lovesong

i feel a little sad today.
still soaking in spirituality but... just sad.
but i shouldnt be all too hard on myself i think.
everybody has their down days,
regardless of whether you're spiritual or not.
just that, it only seemed all too clear to me that he's done.
he's done with me.
and i guess i'm just sad for all the great times we've had together.
all the traveling we have done together.
all the long road trips we've gone on.

but i think i should be quiet now
i should be still now.
i should quieten the mind, still the heart and clear the soul
maybe just for a little bit.
i need to keep telling myself that happiness is a choice.
a conscious decision we make every single day.
and i need to forgive myself.
i'm not sure.
it feels as though every relationship that i'm in,
i find some way to sabotage it for myself
perhaps i'm afraid of something i dont know.
whatever it is,
there's no denying there's a deep rooted issue i have yet to deal with.
yet to acknowledge.

i'm finding it really hard to put in practice
the concept of not putting my star in someone else's hands.
i'm finding it really hard to come to terms with that.
i'm trying i promise.
i have to hold my own star and not place it in someone else's hands.
i have to, because i have to be fair to myself.

i have to forgive myself,
because fact of the matter is,
i fight myself the hardest.
because i can't forgive myself.
and i need to.
i really do.

"whatever words i say, i will always love you"