so... i stayed over at shak's place last night. it was really really nice =) that's twice this week. but last night was slightly nicer. after dinner and beers with him and friends we just went back to his place at a nice un-rushed pace and then spent the next hour sitting on his bedroom floor eating snacks, drinking ribena, and going through his old stuff like old notebooks, pictures from his childhood, his Michael Jackson collection folder, his CD collection, and just random stuff that i pulled out of his drawers. then we curled up in bed together and talked till we fell asleep. my hand in his.
so this is what it's like to be contented. it's been a long long time since i've had such chillaxing moments with a boyfriend/date. and it was really really nice. it just drove home the fact even more to me that we can all find joy in the simplest and slightest of moments, provided we open our minds and open our hearts to it and think not of how much time we could be wasting or what we could be doing with our time that's more productive. as lennon says, the time we enjoy wasting is not time wasted. you dont always have to be up up up on the move. sometimes, just sitting on the floor talking and laughing and sharing stuff about your life with someone you care for can be so much more rewarding and fulfilling because it's moments like these that really matter. years down the road no one is going to say "wow that was a great day i was so productive at work.." i'd so much rather say "wow that was a really crazy and stupid night, but it was the best night of my life." or maybe even a "we did absolutely nothing at all the whole day, but it was the best day of my life."
it doesnt always have to be pain and suffering and torturous intensity when it comes to love, i've realized. sure we all have had those moments and those relationships, but i've also come to the realization that those are the kind of relationships that never work. Never. if you bring such bad energy of pain and suffering to the table, then that's what you're gonna have. and it's never healthy to be in a relationship where pain and secrets live in the stead of love and honesty.
at the end of the day, i'm just grateful for the chance to spend such lovely time with shakeel. to sit around with him and to know that the time we spend together really matters, even if it's doing stupid mindless fun little things. and to be able to fall asleep in his arms literally, and have him brush the hair out of my face, to hug him like a big bolster, to be gently woken up by him cuz he's dragging me closer, all this, it's just... contentment. i dont need to go on some big adventure with him, or have a fairy tale ending at all. just to be able to be here where i am today, i am more than a 100% satisfied.
i wish everyone could feel such peace as i am feeling.
sending out good love, good energy, and peace =)
"and how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you"
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