perfect timing. i thought i had it all figured out. all my doubts cast aside. the perfect decision to start finding my happiness again. but no, with one small moment, one innocent thought, one wrong move, and your guard let down, just for a simple second. ripped my insides out. i actually literally felt that cold shiver run down my spine and felt your hand turn to ice in mine. i feel like i need time to recover. but life is moving a bit too fast for me. the next moment i know the mood has shifted and im surrounded by people. surrounded by laughter and smiles. needing to do this, needing to do that, chores to run, places to be...and i cant take that. i just wanna hide in my room under my sheets and sleep my life away and sleep the hurt away. sleep some long dreamless sleep because even in my dreams im haunted. what i try to run away from and try to hide from the world all collect itself in my sleep and in my dreams they seem more real than anything. memories more vivid. re-living the hurt over and over again. hearing your words echo in my ear and travel down to my gut and force out whatever sheer will for happiness i have left. i need to find my mask again. find the key to that vault again. and lock myself up tight and good. perfectly sealed away from all this. because my dear you are so damn right. the risk it took to bloom was more painful than the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud.
some broken hearts
some words like darts
the crying in the rain
the tears of pain
some words unkind
a misleading sign
a heart of gold
or a heart to fold?
a life to share
or a metered fare.
a hand to hold
my blinded role
two lesser parts
our wounded hearts.
to seek for more?
or to leave it sore?
your choice.
"i've been trying to be where you are. and i've been secretly falling apart unseen. to me, you're strange and you're beautiful. you'd be so perfect with me but you just cant see. you turn every head but you dont see me."
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