this is not an emo post

sometimes i think it's quite funny these little moments that i have. these few days life has been good to me because i think i'm starting to get myself back on track with happiness. maybe im not back at that stage where i'm full on contented with life and all that happy bullshit but still, baby steps for now. that's good enough for me. really, the wonders of friends. i may not be at that level of happiness that i want to be just yet but boy am i grateful for all my friends that love me all the same. what would i be without them.

for the first time the other night i lay in bed for the longest time thinking and rethinking my life. what im doing, if im doing any good with it and if i wanna continue doing what i think i wanna do. and i thought, for such a irresponsible and disappointment failure of a daughter i may be i'm actually pretty contented with myself. i know it's not much but like i said, one baby step at a time.

of course i am not without dilemmas. im constantly thinking about what i do, if i made the right decision. film/management? mother/brother? friends/lover-wannabe? happy music/sad music? think/dont think? cry/dont cry? love/dont love? heart on sleeve/ heart in a vault? to give or cry will i live or die you get the drift. soo...yeah. at least i've got the more important things settled and done. the other minor details of my life i will leave it up to nature. whatever happens will happen. and now ive gotta go. ttyl.