go forget you had a heart

my heart is about to spill out of my chest. my existence is bigger than my physical body can contain and i am bursting, falling apart at the seams and the more i try to salvage this, the more harm i inflict upon it. my life, is about to spill right out over me and overflow into this space i'm in. honest to goodness, i can hardly breathe. but then again, that may just be my asthma at the moment. really, it's the times that im quiet and in my own space that the demons come out to play. and they suck the life force out of me.

there's too much of me people want, too much heart they're taking out of me. too much of myself i have invested into people, too much hope i've placed elsewhere. too much wanting, too much waiting. all this yearning is going to be the death of me. paulo, i am so mad at you. my life was balanced until you came along and screwed things up for me. you took such a huge part of me away with you. you simply HAD to be the catalyst for all this hadnt you? you you you. you started this chain reaction and everything that i thought i had set firm in my life has crumbled because of you. and here i am, suddenly questioning everything i thought was true to me. why. why did it have to be me that you called. fuck you.

"ive been watching your world from afar. i've been trying to be where you are. and i've been secretly falling apart, unseen. you'd be so perfect with me but you just cant see. you turn every head but you dont see me."