i am getting increasingly irritated with myself. is Trevor really all i can talk about? havent i had enough people to talk to about trevor? san, lijin, erin, andrea, and then now julian? im not gonna deny the kind of huge impact this whole episode had on me. gosh who am i nowadays?? why do i keep talking endlessly about Trevor Paulo?? sheesh shouldnt it bore me already by now?? and i was just thinking, the scary part about it is that i can never be "bored" with EpisodeTrev. but i can always be tired with it. and that is how it will be. always tired. it has come to a point where i feel like giving up. i really, really, really feel like walking away and not care anymore. after all, i have done nothing but give his family more trouble by caring for trev because i now know, my care and concern only serves to feed his ego and fuel his nonsense. and i simply cannot do this anymore.
i am really really tired, and i feel really horrible for way i've been behaving since the 5th of march. all i ever talk about, all i can think about, is trevor and goddamnit i am so sick of it. when im with my friends i talk about it. when im with his sister, his cousin, i talk about it. even when im alone i blog it! now that's a bit much dont you think? just hearing his name is becoming...unbearable. for the lack of a better word.
gosh you know what, i shouldn't say anymore. i need to just shut up and go to sleep. it's not right that i feel this way and i feel like im going to be ashamed of myself when i re-read this post later on when i wake up. sigh, fuck off inez, go to bed.
it's addictive, the taste of your kisses while drowning in your Davidoff scent.
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