love relevancy

i was just thinking.
almost like a mini epiphany as I'm cleaning the house.

i haven't blogged in about 07 months. but i suppose its a good thing.
this blog is a depressing as hell place. full of memories and it definitely has helped me in my darkest hours no doubt, but still-it's depressing as hell theres no denying that.

but I'm happy now.
i truly feel like I've reach a level in my life where my environment is a peaceful mirror of where i am right now emotionally. the separation with 'the rat' was a rollercoaster but never was there a moment where i felt sadness and despair like i used to. it was less of a ''what am i going to do'' and more "can't delay it any longer lets get it over and done". a HUGE difference from what a 10-year ago me would have done. and then it was a non-stop ride of creating the ideal life and time really flies when you're happy. nothing has proven that more than the past half a year.

i too now realise i have a tendency to only blog when I'm sad. when I'm happy its like i don't need this blog-space any longer and only come back when something drastic happens. but blogging like this is good for me. it keeps my introspection in check and plus, retrospection is never a bad thing. keeps it real. allows me to look back and remember how struggling felt like and how its all the more important to remember the good things that have come my way. and of how the bad things have shaped me. now I'm stronger, happier, surer, and more confident than ever.

Bliss is probably the only way to describe the past year with mell.
By comparison at this stage of the game most of my other relationships have most probably started falling apart by now. the 1-year mark. that's how i would have tested it. but i have never been this contented. the biggest difference in all of this? i, as well, have never been this aware of the happiness and contentment before. i mean, sure i knew i was happy and i constantly say i was happy. but to be actively aware of it, that's a whole difference story. and it makes me wanna remind her over and over again just how grateful i am for her in my life. it really changes things, intuitively and physically. to be so aware of the joys and blessings one has in their lives. i almost have to pinch myself sometimes in the morning.

i guess the location of our residence has played a part as well.
we see nothing outside our living room, which opens into the balcony, which opens into a great lush greenery of the outdoors. we see nothing but trees trees and more trees, with terrace rooftops low beneath them. it's beyond beautiful, honestly. the quiet rustling, the sunlight, the nature...
just... beautiful.

but anyways, to end it with the point of this post - my epiphany.
i realised that in this day and age, you must, absolutely must, experience being in a relationship at least once in your life. a romantic relationship, to be specific. be it good or bad. otherwise, you become thoroughly and very unfortunately extremely irrelevant. and its not even about conforming to anything. Its about being able to orient and apply yourself in a society that just about needs all the love it can get. at our age, being almost 30, its simply no longer enough to just live of the experience of relationships between friends... or family... or colleagues.

at our age, without this experience of a romantic relationship, you just stay a kid. never fully being able to understand why we do certain things in a certain way. without being able to understand the way a good love pushes you to strive for the better, to change your habits, to merge your life with someone else, to accept a new mental headspace where you can envision a life with children of your own.

i believe at the very least, you need that kind of romantic relationship experience, even the bad ones, to be able to empathise and sympathise, and to be able to develop the very depth of compassion that can only come with experience.

that's some 2 cents for you.