just a feeling

julian and i had a talk today. i dont know how or where it came from or what led to it but it happened. cried my eyes out with him, although i tried very very hard to down play alot of things i was feeling. i dont know what difference it'll make. dont know if it Will make any difference at all.

very tired. very drained. very sick of crying. sick of downplaying my emotions all the time.

he said that we can never be the same anymore. the way we used to be before. it kills me. my life is so fucked up. one situation after another my whole fucking life.

if you're reading this my love.

you know i love you. with all my heart and soul i do.

and i only want you to be happy.

but if the only way to make you happy is to let you go away from me,

then that's what needs to be done.

it hurts for me to even think about it.

please...

you have to tell me the day i become too unbearable for you.

you have to just tell me.

i love you...

"it's just a feeling that i have. and i cant believe that it's over."