one sweet day

Dearest Trevor,

There's nothing much left to say i know. i just hope that one day you'll see, that this world is not such a horrible place. there is nothing i can say or do or tell you that you haven't already thought about i know, but as a friend i cannot just keep quiet and let you ruin your life and the lives around you. i really wished that there was more i could do, more that i can change. but the only thing here that needs changing, really, is you. life will always be cruel to you, that is, until you start living larger than life itself. sometimes i ask myself, what would happened if we had gone back in time and i to re-meet you again at zouk, would i still be your friend? would i still want to care for you knowing all the things that i do now? i can very honestly say, yes i would. i would do it again over and over a million times if each time, i could do it better. you are your own greatest enemy and your bestfriend. and even if the world, your friends and your family mean nothing to you, then do it for yourself.

you are an amazing person, never forget that. i feel, so so sorry for you that you had to go through what you did. and honestly, there's a part of me that can totally understand and agree with you on this and encourage whatever you are doing because life hasnt been all that easy for me either. you said once that i understand your psyche, and really, i honestly do.

but when i look around you, i see love, trevor. i see all the love in the world that i will never have. you have the kind of love from the people that matter, the very kind of love i spend my life crying away in bed wishing, hoping, praying with my tears, begging to thin air that i could have. i would give away everything i have now if i could have a family like yours. Cousins, sisters, brother, uncles, aunts, godfathers and godmothers, family reunions and celebrations.

but, let's not make this about me. bottom line is, trevor, that i miss you. and i just want things to be ok. tonight, my tears are yours. i hope i can cry out all your sorrow for you and heal you. heal your family, and heal your heart.

with all the love my broken self can give,

Inez.