Jon and i met up again yesterday after what seemed, felt, and probably was the longest time ever. the last time we met was almost half a year ago at bakerzinn. but yesterday, we reverted back to the place which holds most memories for us. the Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar. my favourite place, and our regular hang out. we talked about almost everything and anything under the sun in OUR world. things which mattered to us and things that were no longer important. confessions and expressions were probably the first on our list. not something i would have liked to start with but totally necessary to get out of the way. not that there was any tension of course. it was all happy talk of love and life. my dearest friend lost 7 freaking kg. my heart aches just looking at how thin he is. but i'm happy that he's happy. we spent a good 5 to 6 hours just talking and catching up on each others lives and i really miss the times where we had a regular meeting schedule. but i guess, we're both busy. and our ages and priorities have both grown and increased too.
anyway, i met up with my dad and his girlfriend for dinner yesterday to, after jon. it was probably the first time i've had ever spoken so much to lynn. bitched about my mom to him and had what would have been the most relaxed dinner ever if not for the fact lynn was sitting in front of me trying to be nice. i couldn't help but feel a twinge of something. i dont exactly know what it was but it was definitely there. living in my chest and clawing at my heart. "what a scandalous couple." i remember thinking. but i pushed it aside because i need my dad. and i need his help to get me through this somewhat slightly difficult period of my life because only he can. the only family left i can turn too. other times i'll have to depend on my friends and adrian to get me through. both have been doing a rather good job lately i must say, because i feel much much better about leaving. like i've made the right choice.
i was feeling a little down yesterday. i felt like a complete loser and really useless. like i was bad at possibly everything i've touched and tried in my life. i have achieved nothing and completed nothing. started nothing that i can finish and started nothing new nor good. and on top of that, i was feeling pissed shit with myself at the fact that i was starting to feel this way again. not when i just mentioned in my previous post that i had to start anew. leave out all the self-pitying i proudly proclaimed i would do and lookee here. back where i started. adrian could tell i was upset of course, like he always does. and he tried to make me feel better and as he was holding me talking to me i realized that he was right. i'm blest with so many things in my life that i dont seem dont appreciate, and take for granted. and there's so many other things left in my life to be grateful for that i havent yet given thanks for. maybe i'll go for mass on christmas. havent been to in a long time. i should try going back to being a good catholic convent girl again. maybe my life would be a little easier if i did. but, anyway, after talking to adrian i felt alot alot alot better and we conveniently made our way through the darkness to the bed and proceeded to have the best sex ever. for the week.
LIST OF THINGS I NEED TO GET DONE
1. Get more tank tops in different colorus.
2. Change my hair colour.
3. Catch a movie.
4. Get a hairband.
5. Go for a manicure.
6. Oh shoes shoes shoes. geddem.
7. Send in my lasalle application.
8. Write a letter to Michael.
9. Get a earring holder.
10.Drink more water.
"i'm counting my sheep and with each one that passes it's another dream to ashes and they all fall down."
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