Possibly for the first time in my life, i have decided that there is nothing i want for Christmas. i mean, sure i want a lot of material stuff but none of them so important to me that it needs to be given by Santa. small material things like shoes, manicures, clothes, a dress (for Lifeng's wedding!), and all that, i can get it anytime. maybe, just maybe if santa could give me a briefcase full of money. just a million dollars would do it. i could settle our apartment, set up a huge savings acc, and spend the rest on holistic and retail therapy. buy gifts for all my friends and pamper adrian. but then again, i could keep on dreaming.
finally went for my painting class on sunday. it was awesome, apart from the fact that Chankerk (my instructor) ruined my painting by running his brush along the upper edges of my canvas to indicate the imaginery border and totally spolied everything. but it was fine cuz i managed to cover up everything yesterday at home by texturising white acrylic paint over it, and then, i ended up texturising everything. think it turned out quite well. but i digress. it was possible the most theraputic activity i've ever done. not even dancing i think. ok maybe not dancing, but dancing and painting quite obviously requires different techniques and i feel like, lately, i've had enough with the high energy, high tension, high activity works of a dance. it's all too much for me now. i'd just wanna sit down quietly somewhere comfortable, and do something slighty more mundane. not that i'm saying painting is mundane of course, but it requires less bodily movement (read:energy) than dancing.
i must have gotten the most scolding on sunday because it was so easy and so quick for me to fall into this "mode" where i become dreamy, floaty, amd lost in a world of my pwn. i dont really have the words to describe it. adrian was waiting for me during my class from 4 to 7pm. Zigzag and maryam joined him later and they all came to look for me after class. i told adrian that it was like i found my higher calling. and that i was gonna start painting from this day forth. it was really theraputic, so very very theraputic. i've had enough drama in my life and this is most likey the most soothing thing i could do. for now.
i've been feeling a little down lately. i was fine one moment and i dont know what hit me the next. i feel a little less pretty, a little less happy, a little more reminiscent, a little more insecure, a little less confident. you know, i dont really wanna talk about it now. this post should be a happy one. and happy it shall be. adrian's coming home from work early today and i wanna be happy and ready to receive him with a huge kiss, a flick of my tongue on his ear, and a grab of his balls because he likes it.
"you are strong, but you're needy. humble, but you're greedy. and based on your body language, a shot of cursed if i've been reading."
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