i apologise for having not blogged in the longest time ever. but i am back and will start blogging again, promise. so...right now i'm just sitting in the rmt office eating "fruit juice bears gummy jelly". but yeah. so, before i start anything, i have an announcement to make. adrian and i are officially a couple. so yes he is my boyfriend. it actually kinda feel a little strange saying it like that. i haven't had a boyfriend in a major long time, say, a year? yeah i think it has been a year. we got together on good friday. so yeah.
the week started off really nicely for me. i actually think this has been the best week in the longest time. monday adrian and i met at ikea in the morning then we went to T3's mac's for breakfast then headed over to erin's bday chalet at changi. it was fun. slack, but fun. we didn't do much at all really. it was just the thought of being there with my boyfriend and my closest friends, erin and shalyn. the guys were inside playing soccer on ps2 and erin, shalyn, pete and i were outside playing mahjong. adrian came out halfway and sat beside me when i we were playing and it felt really nice. i felt for the first time in a long time like i belonged to someone, to him. i know how i used to think that it was really stupid to want to belong to someone and even when i had a boyfriend then, i never felt like nor wanted to feel like i belonged to him. but now, this time, it's different. i wanted adrian and i wanted to belong to him. i wanted to be his. and now that i do, it's amazing. we girls went for lunch ourselves after mahjong and wen we came back it was just mitchell and adrian left at the chalet cuz everyone else left so adrian and i got to spend some alone time together in the upstairs room. details we shall keep to ourselves. as long we both know and remember what happened, it would be enough. i thought it was a really great way to start the week and end the holidays and finally see adrian in the longest time.
tuesday was just as wonderful. went over to shalyn's place in the morning first, bummed around, had subway at tampines, then both of us headed over to the chalet again. this time, we didn't do anything at all but slack outside. adrian had to go back to camp so it was just mitchell, mehvish, shalyn and i. erin wasn't even there cuz she had to go back to school to sign her attendance. yeap, just to sign her attendance, sit in a little bit, then leave. so the entire day it was just the 4 of us sitting around outside the chalet enjoying the light breeze, munching on melon seeds, smoking, drinking, reminiscing, laughing, joking and smoking some more. shalyn and i left together and i thought it was a great way to spend the day. especially so since they all knew adrian cuz he was their friend too. it was nice being able to sit there an have them every now and then casually mention adrian. my boyfriend. MY BOYFRIEND.
i didn't go back to the chalet on wednesday. instead i came to the office and spend most of the day with joshua and kemmy. belle wasn't exactly there cuz she was studying outside with tobing and jerry was running about the place with stuff he had to do. so like the past 2 days, we did nothing much but talk. really, we talked bout almost everything. from DJing to smoking weed/shrooms to witchcraft to movies to music to adrian to exorcisms, we covered them all. . today's pretty much the same thing. tomorrow adrian and i will be going to watch definitely maybe. can't wait.
you know, i don't exactly lead a very charmed life. in fact, we all know what i fucked up person i am and for adrian to still be here with me and sticking by me after close to almost half a year, i'm touched. i don't know how to say it but he's almost like the most amazing guy ever. i love him. never thought i'd say it but i do. and i don't mean it in a childish i-love-you-u-love-me way. i actually mean it. i didn't think i did but i only realised it yesterday when he was sick and there i was forbidding him to eat prata and making him drink nothing else but jia jia liang cha and made sure he finished every drop. i didn't realise it then but after we hung up, i spent a long time thinking about why i did what i did and i realised that it was because i loved him. or maybe it's just i felt for him very strongly. i no longer just liked him. it was more than that to a point i felt "liked" or 'liked very strongly" could no longer be used. i just wanna be with him and give every bit of myself to him and hold him and kiss him, love him, comfort him, care for him, listen to him, understand him, caress him.
i want him.
just him.
just adrian.
"if you could realise what i just realised, that we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another."
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