twin souls

sometimes i wonder if i'm too much an INFJ. i know that i don't base my life on that definition. but the more i come across articles about INFJs. it makes me wanna laugh. isn't it funny how sometimes a stranger can understand you better than your closest people ever can.

this line stuck out to me as i was reading.
"As much as we love to love people, and eternally fantasise about finding our own twin soul, INFJs believe that our supreme soul mate may well indeed be our very own solitude."

i would like not to believe that. i haven't made up my mind yet. i don't want to deal with what comes after i allow myself to believe that. these days, i really do believe that i am unlovable. it's the only one fact that can sufficiently explain why after all these relationships, i still find myself in this position.
lonely.

and it's a feeling that i hate more than anything else in the world. I've been around too many lonely people to want the same for myself. i've always believe that if something is happening to you over and over again, then maybe it's time to stop asking the world why and start asking yourself instead. the problem might be you. yourself. the problem might be me.

am i too mistrusting?
do i fear too much?
do i love too deeply?
do i give and give and give until i end up feeling like nothing?
perhaps.

all i know, is that right now I'm lonely...i don't even want to ask for someone to love me anymore. that girl doesn't exist. so maybe it is true then. maybe my own twin soul is my solitude. please... don't ever let me find that answer out.