if you dont know me by now

i dont know who i am anymore. ive lost all sense of spirituality and peace that i had before all this fighting started. i said to myself at the start of the year that i was most absolutely certain that 2012 would be a good year for me. but look now, i guess i'm wrong. the past 3 months have been struggle with almost every aspect of my life. and when it comes to matters of the heart, i have completely lost it. i've completely lost all sense of rights and wrongs, of needs and wants. it's almost like we've lost the steam to pull ourselves together and battle it through hand in hand. where do you go when love becomes a struggle and fighting becomes a friend.

i miss you.

i miss feeling your arms holding me tight at night. i miss the comfort that being with you brings. like you said before, we're just two lonely people who've found each other, and who've found that to tear us apart would be torture. what happened to us? there's been so much blaming in the air that it completely overrode the strength of our love. we hardly speak to each other anymore, we dont share the same soul no more. and yet, everytime i think of the day we got together, and how the entire day played out, my heart still skips a beat and it makes me smile to myself and giggle like a silly schoolgirl. how you put your arms around my waist for the first time at Le Noir and pulled me close to you. how our lips touched for the first time in Attica. it was perfection. even as im sitting here typing this out, my heart is swelling with love for you.

with love, for only you.

why cant we find ourselves again. why cant we try to fix what we lost. we're both broken and in pain but i know, i just know with all my heart, that as long as we are both still supporting each other as one, we will, without a single doubt in my mind, fill the gaps in our love with all the broken pieces we thought we had lost. no one is saying it will be easy. but what's the point of a relationship if we cant stick through the hard times.

when we kissed for the first time, i knew almost instantly, that you are the one. the level of familiarity and comfort you brought me was almost profound and... i dont even have the words for it. i cant even explain how it means to me. how much You mean to me.

and this is the reason, why after all that shit that we've gone through, after the endless breakups and get-togethers, after all the fighting and screaming and shouting and crying and nasty words of anger, i'm still able to find the strength to let it go and stick it through with you and try to work it out. no matter how difficult, no matter how much pain we're both in.

our chemistry, baby, we will never be able to recreate that moment ever again with anybody. it's just impossible. you only experience that level of love only once in your life. some people dont even get that chance at all. but we did. we Do. we really do.

i love you.

purely and simply.

and that's all there is to it.

me loving you.

no 'But's or 'Because's

i just love you.

who you are, what you are, how you are.

i love and accept every flaw, every perfection in you.

because you are mine.

you are just mine.

and i am yours.

i am your always.

your inezzybaby always.