so i guess this is finally over. at the end of everything i'm still sitting here alone. still wondering what hit me and if it was all just some bad dream that i've yet to fully wake up from. but whatever it is, it's high time i move on.
going to shanghai, it just did it for me. it once again proved to me that really, there's no escaping this shithole. did i really think that by running away to another country i could escape the heartache? did i really think that just because im in another land i could escape being myself?? sigh. i've had it with life kicking me in the butt all the time. first i spend an entire year dealing with a man who found nothing but sheer joy in tormenting me, dangling his love in my face but just out of my reach. then i spend a few long lonely months trying to heal from that ordeal and along comes this man who promised me the world, made me feel safe again only to just up and leave without warning breaking not just my heart but my faith. so i escape to shanghai to find solace in the one person whom i though could and would understand this hell of a place i'm in, only to be fucking thrown out by her over a man. and all this within a span of 2 years?? seriously, i think i've fucking had enough of this shit!
but im not saying that it's always been horrible. i have had good times with friends and with life and im grateful for those times always. and me going to shanghai has brought about new friendships and found me new beginnings, for which i am glad. right now, im just gonna concentrate on letting things be.
blahh... this post is not even making sense.
"if it only brings you pain in your life, dont be afraid to let it go."
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