i feel light, like i need nothing more than to know that i'll be meeting adrian tomorrow. he brings out all the joy in me and all around me. he tried so hard to make me feel loved and i feel like i'll never be lacking in it. he is my joy, my everything. what would i do without him? can i even contemplate that thought? i need nothing now other than to hear his voice, touch his face and be woken up by his kiss. oh if only you could see me now. how happy i am. how i'm smiling like a fool typing this. i am where nothing else exists but he. he and he alone.
my angel.
my gift from god.
anyway, i was reading a few friends' blogs yesterday and i started feeling tired. not tired of reading but tired of knowing how they've grown. how they've changed throughout the years and how we've drifted apart and how this was not how we envisioned ourselves in the years to come. everyone's changing, growing, maturing, learning. and yet i'm here, stationery in this fast paced world. i'm not doing anything useful. i'm just rotting with grace here.
i met gows today and it felt good to be hanging out with her again. it's been such a long time since we've sat around like this doing nothing but talking and gossiping about the small and stupid things, making future plans and all. (she wants to go to tekka market next week and have briyani.) in fact, it's been a long time since i've sat around doing nothing with someone close, and it's nice. it's sad to know that a friends we couldn't grow in this together. now look, i'm ranting about nothing at all. stupid. but it's ok. i'm healing. i'm trying.
i'm just all over the place. there are so many things i'd wanna talk about. but my mind is just a whole load shit of rubbish. i'm thinking about anything about everything that i'm actually having a headache. i'm thinking about how i'm gonna be taking my new puppy home today, about meeting adrian tomorrow, about the office, about my school, about home, my mom, my friends, and about how i don't have a life. i just kinda feel useless. i know, adrian makes me feel like a princess. he takes care of me and loves me and nourishes me from within. but i can't possibly be feeding off him everytime. i know he doesn't mind. but it get tiring sometimes i know and i don't want him to ever feel tired, even if it's something he must go through. i had a dream the other night, of adrian and i having a good looking son and a husky and living in Canada. it was a nice dream but a dream nonetheless. i'm not saying anything. you kow what, i can't think anymore. my left temple is achingly throbbing. adrian will cure it. he always does. ahhh...here i go again. i always somehow or rather go back to talking about adrian. i'll always go back to him. "cuz well he makes me laugh, and he makes me happy, and i've absolutely fallen."
" yes i'm hopeless. and there's no more saying that there's no one else for me anymore. he's tailor made for me"
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