miss SMARTY-PANTS AH YA.

i bought a new shirt today. it says "miss smarty pants" and it's black! so...ooh yeah who ya wanna be ya miss smarty-pants? walked around town with reza till my feet hurt. and it was all his fault and now he's beside me complaining that it wasn't his fault and that he's hurt. heh ok la. it wasn't his fault and he's not really hurt. i'm just blogging for the sake of it today cuz i'm supposed to meet elf who didn't show up for some reason so it's down to reza and i sitting in the elp waiting for what we don't know too. but yeah. reza was nice today. helped me carry my bag becuz i said it was heavy. oh yeah and he met joshua yesterday. sent me to the office and SMOKED outside the entrance. then met him again at novena square when i walked over with the dear of a joshua. who smoked while walking there. oh and i passed by a small art exhibition today at suntec with a person (reza)who DID NOT KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE ART and called it stupid people staring at trash. how uncultured...hmm. and he doesn't even appreciate golf, the sophisticated sport. he says all these cultured stuff are for cultured assholes. how uncouth. yeah ok but that's not the point. point is....oh ok ok ok before i forget, JENMARK added me on friendster! man i swear he's damn cute la that fella. oh and he's not from indonesia. he's from the philipines. ok yeah sorry back to the story. i passed this very small art exhibition at suntec and for some reason as i stood there half listening to reza's rants about cultured bullshit, i was hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia. and for that moment my heart ached with the absence of walking down the long winding whitewashed coridors of the singapore art musuem, my love i have dubbed, caressing her walls and listening to her whisper stories of love, culture, pain, joy and peace she was so pregnant with. to be standing in the midst of inspiration personified and to be able to close my eyes, soak myself in a certain feeling and then opening my eyes only to see them materialise into something so beautiful and abstract right in front of me. it's theraputic i think. to a certain extent. i mean...all of us neeed some silence in our lives at some point and going to the musuem, it's theraputic bacause of the me-time you get. well to me at least. of the me-time I get and i really appreciate that solitude. it makes me think, evaluate and reflect about how i've been doing, how i've been behaving, the signals i might have been giving out to certain people and when i walk out of there, i feel refreshed, renewed. like i've been re-given the ability to start all over again with a fresh new perspective in life. and i think it's something we all need. to be able to appreciate beauty in any form. be it in music, nature, people, paintings, photographs, colour, whatever catches your fancy. in belle/josh's words "whatever rocks your boat man."

sometimes i really wonder why i'm wasting my time with eye-candy and small-time crushes when in the end it's not gonna mean anything to me. all this hype with jali...elf... and yeah. perhaps it's better not to mention names here since people like zamzam like giving my number away. for one i know both jali and reza have my number. so...nothing else much i can say is it? it gets tiring after awhile, being so hyped up about eyecandy. sometimes ignorance can be a bliss and i sometimes wish i was blind to all this. whispers of who-likes-who behind your backs and cathching glimpses and quick flutters of eyelids guillty of peering out under long fringes and through camera phones. i'm really irritated with this shit. seriously. i hate guys who secretly like you but put up this masquerade of disturbing and taunting you all the time. i think they're cowards. get that? COWARDS who don't dare face their feeling and embrace themselves fully because they are too concerned with what their friends think. you guys are coward and i have no respect for all of you whatsoever. you should know who you are.
so fuck off.