Tale of a time.

Tale of a time.




So soon. Just yesterday I thought that I still had a few more years in SAC to play around, make friends and have fun. Just yesterday I thought I still time to "try my best" and that tomorrow would never come. And yet, look where I am now. In 2 days time, I would have officially left SAC. My years in SAC would be over and I, would have to pass out of the school gates knowing that the term "naughty convent schoolgirl" wouldn't apply to me anymore. (not that I was naughty to start with anyway.)




I guess, it's hard not to feel afraid somehow. So much of my life has been spent in this school. This place is one I know like the back of my hand. Every nook and cranny...The fastest way to get to class, which teacher you can fool around with in class, which route to avoid if you don't wan get caught for something, most of the time afraid of getting caught for colored hair, long fingernails, short skirt, extra earrings and ankle socks.




I've spent half my life in this school...In fact, I've spent almost my entire life in this school. I was only 6 when I entered here, and now, I am 18. Where will I be this time next year?? I was just talking to one of my friends just the other day and she said to me.." You know what Inez, we should just not worry about where we'll end up and let nature take it's course." yeah right..Easier said than done I told her, but I guess it's true in a way. As much as I hate to admit the fact that it all boils down to fate, in the end, it's all so very very true. For all I know, there's already a place somewhere out there waiting for me to fill up. Who am I to deny to callings of fate?? I am but human.





I find sometimes, we reject things we don't want to hear or believe with the sole reason of being afraid of hearing things that we think might hurt us. Things we already think we know and don't want to be told by others, even if it's words of care and concern. Sure, you may say that it's because you've heard it so many times that it's being drummed into our heads and etched so deeply in our minds that after a while, you get so sick of it that you forget the true purpose of being told because looking at it this way, there has to be a reason why we are being told what we are told so often. If it meant nothing, then there would be no point of even raising the thought in the first place. call it pride in if you must. I'm sure that all this has got everything to do with self-pride. Not self-confidence or self-acceptance..But self-pride. And mind you there is a difference.






I know that for myself per say, I have rejected a lot of care and concern showed to me by friends because..Hey..Who knows if they are really helping me or waiting to gain something from my situation. I think, it's time I start to let go of this mindset because in the end, it's not gonna get me anywhere. Sometimes, I feel just so tired of giving and giving and giving. Sometimes taking isn't such a bad thing, because there's joy in taking too you know. Call me selfish or whatever...But sometimes, after giving everything you have, a break to rejuvenate is completely necessary.





I don't know, what else can I say?? I have moved on. But the definition of moving on does not necessarily mean forgetting the joy I once had with someone else. It means realising and accepting and learning to live with it. Someone has left a very deep impression on me. And such impressions are not easily thrown away. I guess, what struck me about him was that the time I first saw him in camp, the very first impression about himself that he gave me was who he really is deep inside. And it's intriguing. How often do you some across people who can be as pure and as simple as he appears to be?? But that all there is to it. I promise. Just an impression. No amount of gifts or care from him can ever make me turn my back away from the person I want to be with now. The person who cares for me, the person who has to tolerate all my attitude, the only person willing to come down at night to see me home safely. Even my mom didn't do that. I love him. And I don't give a fuckshit about what you might think.





piss to the world yeah......
just not piss to MY world.