"i think we should..erm..break up." is that what i shld say ??

i suddenly feel suicidally inclined. maybe it's just the physics getting to my head. but seriously, i feel like i need to die now.




i think there HAS to be some "love festival" going on that i don't know about...cuz EVERYBODY just seems to be getting hooked up...and here i am...planning how to initiate a break...i swear it's gonna be terribly painful for me to say all that i might and most probably will say on that day..
10 october..that day will be a day i dread...actually i already DO dread it.





(those who cannot stand the topic about matters of the heart can scroll down and skip the next few paragraphs.)





truth be told..i don't wanna break up with him..cuz i really do love him with all my heart and soul. (ok this is gonna sound damned cliched) but he was the only one who ever made me feel like i actually had a place in anyone's heart/life/mind. the only one who has ever said "i love you" with so much sincerity it can melt even the most sworn Bachelorette's heart.






but sadly i guess...all the feeling that we had at the begining had already faded away...and all i'm left with is the memory of his warm not-so-tender love.





it's abit funny that it's me that is saying all this because it will be me who will initiate the break. but really..i'm doing it for the both of us. (cliched as it sounds again) it's true. his heart just isn't in it that deep anymore.i mean....sure he loves me as a girlfriend..but that's all he really loves me for. being a girlfriend...not loving me for the person i am deep deep deeeeeeeeeep inside.





i've lived by this principle that what i don't know won't hurt me...but i've been turning a blind eye to EVERYTHING he has been doing and it has been bugging me sub-consiously. everyone's telling me "forget louis lah...you're better off without him." but will i really be ?? i've pretended to be the innocent naive girlfriend long enough.





WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS NOW STARTING TO DESTROY ME. slowly and quietly.





oh please you guys..i've lived with a man who has been having an affair for 16 years of my life..(almost how old i am)..
would i not know the tell-tale signs that a boyfriend is not being loyal ?? oh shut up...you people just don't know me well enough..in fact you guys don't know me at all...





but soon i'll be joining Denise in her " i'm single ! " club...so she won't have to feel lonely anymore.





but that aside...i've got good news... we've finally got a tune for the songs
"Inez and lou"
"What should i do."





i think it rocks...if you're reading this now and know me..please remind me to sing "Inez and Lou." for you guys cuz i think it has a really great tune (cuz i came up with it !!) and the lyrics i wrote for that song really reflects the situation i am in now with louis. that's why it's titled "Inez and lou." ...




denise is coming over to my house on friday and i CANNOT wait...the days just can't pass any slower...we're supposed to be studying but from the looks of it...we'll most probably be taking pictures the entire day...because we need pictures for our 1st album's cd cover n lyrics booklet and all..





our beautiful manager , Tara, simply refuses to take any pictures with us..but other than that...i'll bet it's gonna be fun. oh i seriously cannot wait...and if u guys are lucky...or rather ..if jon is lucky...pictures of us might just appear on my friendster account.





oh well..pregnant ?? not pregnant ??
haha..only denise will know what i'm talking about.




chao !!